Let mij preface this chunk by telling that I’m 31, I’m single, I haven’t bot te love ter years, and I haven’t gone on a verdadero date te months. And I’m blessed.
It seems that every other conversation I have is with people my age freaking out about single. “Smiley, what am I gonna do, get on Tinder, is that all I have left?” “Smiley, how am I supposed to meet someone when everyone attractive and dateable is already taken?” “Smiley, I can’t go to another wedding without a +1, it’s embarrassing!” “Smiley, I want to have a family and I’m 32 and single, my life is worthless!”
Thesis conversations often verrassing mij. Very first off, if so many amazing people are single, why is everyone having so much trouble meeting the right fucking partner? I now keep a running tabulator te my journal of cool and clever people I know who are single and I cross-reference the list merienda every two weeks for potential matches — I’m like a boutique Hinge.
2nd, and more alarming, is why people are so distraught about being single. I’ve spent the better part of the last year (okay, two years) (all right, fuck it, three years) single, and while I could make up a horror story about how pathetic I wasgoed, the truth is I’ve never bot more satisfied. Rather than stress about how hard it wasgoed to meet the volmaakt woman at the age of 30, I determined to leave behind about dating all together.
Instead, I determined to embark dating myself.
When you embark dating yourself, your mindset shifts. Rather than define your own self-worth based on whether someone else swipes right at your photo or whether someone else wants to go huis with you, you determine your own self-worth based on how you’re spending your time. You can commit to individual projects, set aside time for self-reflection and self-care, and detect fresh career aspirations. Instead of simply going through the motions, you’re ter the driver’s seat of your own life.
If you’re fighting with online dating or stressing about being the only single person at your friend’s wedding (don’t worry that happened to mij three times this summer!), my recommendation is to spend a few weeks dating yourself.
Take yourself out on your flawless date. Go out to your beloved restaurant, order exactly what you want to eat, and drink a glass of crimson wine. Buy yourself a fresh T-shirt or pair of boots. Go to the bookstore and buy a fresh book you’re dying to read. Take yourself to a vertoning this weekend — music, theater, comedy — whatever you love most. Go to a movie by yourself and sit ter the precies seat you want to sit ter. Go on an venture to a place you’ve never bot before.
Take care of yourself.
Go for a run. Take a long urban hike. Go to a yoga class you never have time to go to. Meditate. Take a nap ter the zon. Take a nap te the shade. Take a bath. Get a rubdown. Cook your beloved meal. Order delivery and eat it ter bloembed. Wake up early and read a book that has bot sitting on your shelf for months. Stay up late and see scenes of your dearest voorstelling on Netflix.
Write te your journal. Write a blog postbode. Write a brief story. Write a book (disclaimer: I did this and spil a result wasgoed single for two years, so project accordingly). Take a letterpress class. Paint. Draw. Take photos. Make a brief filmrolletje. Learn to code. Learn a fresh language. Vormgeving your fresh webstek. Come up with a business idea.
Find a friend working on a project that interests you and see how you can get involved. Volunteer te your community. Thrust yourself outside your convenience zone by going solo to a glad hour, party or event that sounds joy. Begin a group meet-up for an activity you love like yoga, cooking, poetry, or graphic vormgeving.
See, being single isn’t so bad. If you’re te a relationship and jealous of all the joy us single people are having because we’re dating ourselves, you should be jealous. You’re missing out, SUCKER! Treat yourself! (And if you determine to pauze up with your gf, let mij know cause I have a fat crush on hier.)
Don’t worry, it’s not voortdurend. I want someone to come huis and snuggle with, just like everyone else. I want to have a family one day. I’m not telling you to give up lovemaking or dating forever. I’m not telling you to abandon your life-long purpose of being an amazing parent.
I’m just telling that dating yourself for a little while might help you detect who you are and what you want. It might help you zekering worrying about what other people think of your sixth Tinder photo (or stress about whether you should even have a sixth Tinder photo — “who the hell has six Tinder photos?!”) and commence thinking about how you want to spend your days. It might inspire you to explore a fresh passion or find a fresh job. It might give you the time to launch the project or embark on the escapade you’ve always dreamed of.
If you’re fortunate, dating yourself might even bring you closer to the person you’ve bot looking for.