Online Dating Translations: What Guys And Damsels Are Actually Telling Ter Their Profiles, Thought Catalog

I hate online dating and I’m never doing it again. I did meet my last serious gf online, but other than that, I haven’t had much luck.

I’ve had to reject one or two chicks because I found them annoying for one reason or another. But mostly I’ve bot rejected. I’ve had messages disregarded (many times), message exchanges that went nowhere (a good number of times), and coffee dates that went nowhere (a few times).

I’m chalking up 50% of my rejections to being awkward and ugly. The other 50% I couldn’t quiebro capture. But now, I get it. Everyone who creates online dating profiles speak te their own language. If you don’t know the language, you have no slok at surviving—whatsoever.

I’ve created a translation guide so you can navigate the tricky world of online dating profiles, and figure out what you’re getting yourself into. Hopefully, it’ll spare you some trouble. I did a guide for damsels and a guide for guys.

So here it is. I hope it serves your well and good luck!

Translation Guide for the Guys:

When she says: I have fine friends and family, a good career, and now I’m looking for someone to lodge down with…

It truly means: I’m despairingly unhappy with most areas of my life, but I’m hoping that I’ll meet someone through this webpagina and all my worries and troubles will go away.

When she says: I love going out and having a good time, but I’m just spil convenient staying te and watching a movie.

It indeed means: I have no idea what to write and this sounds safe.

By the way, isn’t this….ummm….just about everyone? Find mij a person who doesn’t like going out and having a good time, and staying te every now and then. It’s like telling a movie is an hour or so long give or take an hour.

When she says: I’m not looking for lovemaking or a hookup.

It indeed means: Lovemaking and hooking up are awesome, but I don’t want to emerge whorish or trashy so I’m adding this line.

Who doesn’t like hook-up and hooking up? It’s 100% natural. It’s te our evolutionary genes to want to have lovemaking. Of course you’re looking for it. Everyone is.

When she says: I’m busy and don’t have much time to meet people so I signed up for this site…

It indeed means: I’m tired of getting drinks spilled on mij and having random guys’ wieners inbetween my butt cheeks ter some crowded tapkast. So I stopped going. Now I’m not sure what to do.

When she says: I’m sick of the buffet toneel. Just looking for someone existente. No games.

It truly means: I’ve bot going to the same handful of kroegen for the past duo years. I seem to be getting older but everyone te the caf seems to stay 23.

It indeed means: I have no idea what I’m looking for.

This is true. They did a research examine where they had people list characteristics of an ideal mate. When they followed them into the vivo world, the people they were attracted to had very few of the characteristics they originally listed.

People are more malleable than they think.

When she says: I joined this webpagina because one of my friends met someone on here.

It truly means: My friend spends all hier free time with fresh BF found through this webpagina. Now I’m bored.

When she says: I’m a professional proefje.

It indeed means: I’m not actually, but I just desired to play a aggressive joke on guys that message mij. Ter fact, I’m actually a dirty old man. Come to mij!

Or: I actually am a monster, but I get wayyyyy too many messages to react to you, or anyone for that matter. I’m not even sure why I’m on here…

When she says: I’m not expecting much from this site…

It truly means: This webpagina is my last ditch attempt, but I don’t want to emerge desperate. I have no idea what I’m going to do if this doesn’t work…

Translation Guide for the Gals (Yes, I truly did browse guys’ profiles to see what they write.):

When he says: I’m financially stable.

It truly means: I have very little left overheen after I pay the bills te my makeshift living situation.

Very few people are financially stable te their 20s. I’ve liedje many times to dates to waterput on the mask of being “stable.”

When he says: I work hard and play hard.

It truly means: I’m ter a job I hate, and attempt to leave behind about it with copious amounts of booze whenever I can.

When he says: I love intellectual/stimulating conversations.

It truly means: The very first time wij meet, I’m going to voorstelling off how wise I am, and you won’t be able to get a word te because I’m going to keep talking and talking. Oh…and I know of thesis indie bands you’ve never heard of, but you have to listen to them!

When he says: I love staying active and going to the gym.

It indeed means: If you don’t resemble a swimsuit specimen, I do not want to hear from you.

When he says: I just bought a house or condo.

It truly means: I had money, but now I don’t. Why the fuck did I do this? There’s always a weird geluidsweerkaatsing because of this toegevoegd empty space I have.

Please come live with mij so I can pack my empty place and have someone to talk to! Kids, dogs, cats, garden…whatever you want! Just come live here with mij!

It indeed means: The very first duo months, I’ll wine and dine you, and attempt my best to impress. After that, good luck attempting to get mij to do anything while I’m watching sports ter my underwear all weekend long.

When he says: I love hiking.

It indeed means: For some reason all ladies say they like hiking ter their profiles, so I’m going to add this spil a common rente.

When he says: I love going out and having a good time, but I’m just spil convenient staying ter and watching a movie.

It truly means: See above under the guys’ translation guide.

It indeed means: See above under the guys’ translation guide.

When he says: I like going out to caf and clubs.

It truly means: We’ll most likely go out, have a good time, and end up hooking up afterwards.

A few months straks, we’ll still go out, but instead of having a good time, you’ll end up walking down the street barefoot with your high-heeled shoes ter arm spil you sob into the phone asking for your gf to pick you up. Meantime, I’ll still be at the brochure or club drinking with my boys and wondering what I did wrong. “What? I don’t get it…what’d I do? Ahh…she’ll get overheen it.”

And you will get overheen, but the cycle will repeat itself overheen and overheen for a period of time until you guys either get married or breakup. If you pauze up, you’ll get back together again a ondergrens of two times overheen the course of a year. Until you either get married or hate each other’s guts you breakup for good.

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