Dating overheen 40: Single dudes and women face different challenges ter midlife – The Blade

Andrea Borders: &quot,At this piont ter life wij’re not thinking that the prince is going to come.&quot,

Toledoan Kathy Teigland, 52, is glad being single, but says she wouldn’t mind if a man came into hier life.

Toledoan Kathy Teigland, 52, is glad being single, but says she wouldn’t mind if a man came into hier life.

Going to the discotheek, meeting up at the White Castle, or parking the Mustang at Paramour s Lane no longer qualifies spil a good date.

That wasgoed the toneel when guys and women overheen 40 were teenagers. But now, for the ones who are single, the concept of Prince Charming and Sleeping Beauty truly is a fairy tale.

What s the dating spel like at this stage of life? Does it even exist?

Wij talked to guys and women ter their 40s and 50s, and singles experts, asking them to describe the dating toneel for this age group. Wij heard from those who have bot dateless for years, and others who are blessed te their singlehood. Many cited a yearning for marriage spil a reason for dating, and ranked companionship spil a key factor overheen sexual desire.

According to a 2003 American Association of Retired People (AARP) survey, which sampled the views of 1,407 fellows and Two,094 women aged 40 to Sixty nine, almost 30 procent of the singles reported difficulty finding dates, and said they would be delighted to embark a romance if they could find the right person. The survey wasgoed published te AARP The Tv-programma, the flagship publication of the nation s largest advocacy group for Americans overheen 50.

Ila Stanger, managing editor of MORE tv-programma, concurred, adding that the over-40 category is one of the most-divorced generations ter history. Because of this, there are many single guys and women searching for safe and innovative ways to meet one another.

A large percentage, she added, are taking advantage of credible online dating services, or high-end personals such spil the one published ter the Harvard Review, for joy and companionship.

It just fascinates mij, but at eharmony.com about 55 procent of their membership is aged 35 to 54 years old, Ms. Stanger said ter a phone vraaggesprek from hier Fresh York office.

MORE tijdschrift, launched te 1998, is the only lifestyle publication that celebrates women ter their 40s and 50s. Each punt showcases beauty and style via models that are 40 and overheen.

Ms. Stanger added that mature single women don t always gezond the defenseless, lonely stereotype.

Women overheen 40 and 50 have made their own lives. They are not pining away, and it s still often their decision not to remarry. They just want to be rescued for some joy and companionship, she said, adding that many are no longer burdened by the social stigma of dating a junior man. For example, 40-year-old actress Demi Moore s is having a much-publicized romance with actor Ashton Kutcher, who is 15 years hier junior.

For mature fellows, Ms. Stanger added, the dating toneel is not always an abundant sea of women.

Studs have just spil hard a time spil women. If they ve bot married for a long time, they ve forgotten how it happens.

There s this illusion that they are totally te charge, but many are very awkward making the very first budge. Many are out there alone and having a entire lotsbestemming more difficult time adjusting to single life, Ms. Stanger added.

The AARP survey also displayed that 60 procent of singles age 40-69 are women, a majority of them divorced. Forty-two procent of the fellows, and 24 procent of the women had also never bot married.

John Thomas, a circunscrito juvenile court probation officer who is single, said his views on dating have switched dramatically since his divorce ter 1999.

“I wasgoed out there at one point, and this one lady told mij that I just needed to slow down and abandon looking for something and zekering dating everyone. She told mij that it’s OK to sit at huis and be alone sometimes, and that part indeed stuck with mij,” said Mr. Thomas, who is ter his late 40s.

“Now, I look forward to being alone. That space is necessary at this age.”

Mr. Thomas, who also moonlights spil a professional R&B and ballroom dance disc jockey, added that he is more choosy now than he wasgoed spil a junior man.

“Dating is rough, because I’m particular and I know pretty much what I want. There can be someone who is 90 procent of everything you want, but it’s that last Ten procent that hits you with a yellow light,” said Mr. Thomas, who chooses to date women te his age group or older.

“At this age, I’m seeking maturity, someone that is compatible,” he said.

Mansfield, Ohio native Andrea Borders, 46, a single psychotherapist, said after moving to Toledo four years ago with hier 16-year-old son, she has remained “dateless.”

Andrea Borders: &quot,At this piont te life wij’re not thinking that the prince is going to come.&quot,

“It’s hard to make friends, and it’s hard to find a single individual just to date,” said Ms. Borders, divorced for Ten years. She works for the University of Toledo Upward Trussed webpagina, a youth program.

“Spil a single parent, dating is also difficult because my son is my No. 1 priority. Te his mind, he’s the man of the house, so that is difficult, and if someone I’m dating can’t understand that and work with him, or relate to my son, then dating is very difficult,” she added.

Ms. Borders said women te hier age group do not rush their decision to date.

“At this point ter life wij’re not thinking that the prince is going to come. Choosing someone to be with or date is a well-thought-out decision.

“The one good thing at this age and that I learned from having bot divorced is that there is nothing that I can’t do. I’m tremendously strong and very convenient with being alone,” said Ms. Borders.

Ron Eckhart, outgoing voorzitter of the Society of Single Professionals (SSP), a 90-member Toledo singles group formed 25 years ago at the University of Toledo, said aside from online dating and private ads, singles te the over-40 category tend to find one another ter organizational settings rather than ter caf and nightclubs spil their junior counterparts might.

“Most go to dinners together, or join the singles groups, those are the places to meet people,” said Mr. Eckhart, who added that church groups, organized singles nights such spil those at grocery and book stores, and recommendations from friends are other ways this age group gets together. Vensterluik dating is infrequently pursued by the over-40 crowd, he added.

For single professional business consultant Kathy Teigland, the joy of hier career, children, and grandchildren fulfill hier life, and she has little time to think about dating.

Still, the divorcee said she wouldn’t mind being “pleasurably astonished with some wonderful man if he accidentally stumbles into my life.

“At 52, I’m not finding many single dudes that I could say I am attracted to and share any common interests. . . . The very first few years after becoming single again I dated a bit, but I found the entire practice laborious and fruitless. I believe that finding that special someone is merely being ter the right place at the right time, and I don’t think dating a ton of boys or any man makes it toebijten.”

Ms. Teigland, divorced for eight years, added that the joy of mature age is simply knowing who she is spil a woman, but the challenge remains coupling that confidence with meeting a man who has hier same level of maturity and ideals.

Lucas County deputy sheriff and minister Maurice Morris, co-founder with Nicole Roberts of Relatively Existente, a singles group for both sexes founded te 2001, said the objective of dating for mature dudes has switched dramatically from when they were te their 20s. Mr. Morris and Ms. Roberts, who are good friends, are both divorced and founded their group to promote healthy relationships and dialogue.

“It’s not hard for dudes to meet women te this [age] category. It’s hard for them to meet quality women. But there are also guys te their 40s who are not ready for the relationship and still act like teenagers,” said Mr. Morris, whose group meets quarterly te private homes.

“I find that some of the studs ter this age group are content because the odds are greater for them to find a mate . . . many of the women who come to the discussions ter this age group are bitter because of past relationships and how poorly they’ve ended. They just want to be by themselves because of all the schouwspel a man has waterput them through. Many are waiting for their God-sent man.”

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