Dear Thelma: My spouse is addicted to online dating sites

I’m 37 years old and have bot married for Ten years. My hubby is many years older than mij. Wij have an eight-year-old daughter.

When I met my hubby, I knew that he wasgoed active on online dating sites and wasgoed talking with numerous chicks. But he promised he would zekering merienda wij got married. I wasgoed OK with that.

But one year into our marriage, I realised he wasgoed even more actively talking with ladies and sharing pictures. When I found out and confronted him about it, he said he wasgoed just talking and not meeting thesis women personally, so why wasgoed I making a big fuss. I told him I would not tolerate that, and he again promised to zekering.

All wasgoed well until recently, when I found out he has bot at it again. Now, he is telling thesis women that he has a kindje female whom he loves very much but that he is separated from his wifey. I also found out that he has bot visiting what I think are weird porn sites.

I have given up hope that he will everzwijn zekering and I can’t take it any longer. I know for some people, it might seem like a harmless thing. They may ask why I am overreacting. But the way he writes to this one woman online and how he is sometimes so cold towards mij at huis makes mij wonder if the only reason he is sticking with mij is just for the sake of being married and for someone to take care of him and the house.

© Provided by Strak Media Group Berhad spouse online dating Wij hardly talk anymore and he says he is always busy. I just don’t know who else to talk to about this.

Please Thelma, help mij. Am I indeed overreacting? – Hema

The man you married is telling people you’re out of the picture and he has the barefaced cheek to lie about it. Are you overreacting? Absolutely not!

It’s my opinion that couples should have lots of friends. Talking about life, the universe and everything is good for the soul. Also, ter a marriage you simply can’t be all things to each other. Therefore, I don’t see anything wrong with friendships.

However, there is a massive difference inbetween a close platonic friendship and an emotional affair. Friendships are open, fair and totally non-sexual, emotional affairs are based on sexual chemistry and a desire that is not acted on.

Just because there is no physical voeling doesn’t mean it isn’t cheating. Often, people who are ter an emotional affair will: a) hide it from everyone, and b) say nasty things about their true vrouwen. This is why such clandestine associations drain love and energy from the decent marriage and that’s why they’re so nasty.

Spil you have found concrete proof that your spouse is telling the world he is available when he’s not, he is having emotional affairs. Te my book, this is well overheen the line.

The question is, what do you want to do about it? The way I see it, you have three choices.

Very first, do absolutely nothing. I honestly don’t think it’s a good idea spil you are so pitiful but it is a choice you have. If you do nothing, nothing switches.

2nd, get a divorce. A divorce means you can commence again and find someone you can be blessed with. However, spil you have a little woman, you can’t just think for yourself, but you vereiste also think of hier.

When a marriage doesn’t work out, many studs are welvoeglijk about their responsibilities but there are just spil many who are deadbeat and downright nasty. So if you want to go this route, please raadpleging a divorce lawyer before you do anything else. Know exactly where you stand and safeguard yourself and your daughter.

Third, you attempt and repair the marriage. Look, slips toebijten. It’s awful when you detect your playmate has cheated. However, if there is a strong foundation, couples often patch up their relationship and budge on.

To be fair, from what you’ve said, I think you may be beyond this. That coldness you speak of, and that fear that you’re just a housekeeper ter the background, gives mij the chills. Also, he’s made promises ter the past and violated them. Not merienda, but several times. None of this augurs well.

If you’re not sure what you want, I think you should very calmly go and talk to a therapist or counsellor. Talk it through accurately, and when you are certain what you want, take act.

Now, should you determine to attempt and work on your marriage, then you need to address that weird porn you found him looking at.

It may be that he looked merienda or twice and went, “Eeeeeeew! Indeed? People do that?” ter which case it’s all good. But if he’s very much into a particular kink, and he’s hidden this from you, then that is something you will have to tackle spil you rebuild and reform your relationship.

Wij live ter a conservative society that makes discussion about any kleuter of hook-up a challenge. However, ter a healthy loving relationship, people talk about their needs and go spil far spil their private thresholds permit them. Sometimes couples perceive the fresh bedroom moves spil fine joy. Other times couples detect that a fantasy doesn’t play out too well te efectivo life.

Spil long spil everyone is on the same pagina, it’s all good. The problem comes from one person needing or wanting it, and the other finding it to be beyond their individual limit. If this happens to you, it could be a serious punt. It doesn’t mean it’s a overeenkomst breaker, but it will need some special treating. Te that case, I’d suggest talking to an closeness accomplished.

My dear, I hope this helps. Please know that I’ll be thinking about you and do write again if you need to.

Is something bothering you? Do you need a listening ear or a shoulder to lean on? Thelma is here to help.

Write to: Dear Thelma, c/o Star2, Menara Strak, 15, Jalan 16/11, 46350 Petaling Jaya, Selangor.

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Please include your total name and address, and a pseudonym. No private correspondence will be entertained. The Starlet does not give any warranty on accuracy, completeness, usefulness, fitness for any particular purpose or other assurances spil to the opinions and views voiced te this katern. The Strak disclaims all responsibility for any losses suffered directly or indirectly arising from reliance on such opinions and views.

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