Asking a question permits someone to react, which is more difficult with a statement.

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Martin Graff Ph.D.

Making a good very first impression

Posted Sep 06,

You’ve found a dating webpagina you want to use, and you’ve created a profile, finish with your most flattering photos. The next stage is either to sit and wait to be contacted by a potential date, or to look through the webpagina and proactively commence sending messages to potential dates yourself.

Surely, one of the things any online dater would want to know is what type of very first voeling message is most likely to draw a positive response. Should it be humorous, should it be factual, or should you just introduce yourself? Further, exactly how much should you say about yourself ter this message?

Here are three tips that may increase your chances of a reply to your very first voeling message:

  1. Pay some attention to what the recipient has said ter their profile description to vertoning that you have actually taken an rente te them. Don’t just send generic messages. Sites such spil Match.com permit users to react by providing “winks,” albeit this type of communication may also be perceived spil low-effort or generic.
  2. Don’t just make a statement te your message, ask a question. Asking a question permits someone to react, which is more difficult with a statement. And use the recipient’s name—it’s friendlier.
  3. Be fair about yourself. Wij know that it is effortless to establish a degree of rapport by telling you have similar interests to someone else, but there is truly no point telling that you share an rente te collecting strange bookmarks if this is not indeed an rente of yours.

A probe conducted by Schondienst and Dang-Xuan (2011) examined which style of very first voeling message wasgoed most likely to receive a reply. The researchers carried out an ambitious analysis of 167,276 first-contact messages sent by Trio,657 users. The results suggest that the likelihood of a very first message receiving a response depends on several factors:

  • A lower use of the private pronoun I.
  • A lower use of leisure words such spil movie.
  • More frequent use of the word you.
  • More frequent use of words such spil relationship and helpful.

Remarkably, they did not find that using negative words (presumably those such spil dislike, can’t, or disinterested) has an adverse effect on responding.

If you are the recipient of a first-contact message on a dating webpagina, is it better to play it cool and not voorstelling too much initial rente, and make the message sender wait a while for a reply? Contrary to what wij might think, it has bot demonstrated that anxious replies are not perceived spil a turn-off. Rather, the swifter the reply to a message, the more likely it is that communication will proceed (Fiore, Taylor, Xhong, Mendelsohn, and Cheshire, 2010).

Are there gender differences te who is more likely to make very first voeling? Te their explore, Hitsch, Hortacsu and Ariely (2010) found that:

  • Masculines viewed more than three times more dating profiles than females,
  • Masculines were more likely to make voeling with a female after viewing hier profile, compared to females making voeling with masculines after viewing masculine profiles,
  • On promedio, masculines sent more than three times more very first voeling messages than females.

When it comes to responding, Fiore et reeds (2010) found that masculines replied to more first-contact messages than females (26 procent compared to 16 procent).

Thesis gender differences may be accounted for ter terms of error management theory (Haselton and Buss, 2000). This theory suggests that because of the relative risks that reproduction poses to masculines and females, masculines tend to overestimate female sexual rente (known spil an overperception bias). Because reproduction poses a greater risk to females, they have evolved to be more cautious and judicious during interactions with masculines.

Other Factors Influencing Very first Voeling

Hitsch and colleagues (2010) also found that:

  • Both masculines and females tend to make voeling with potential dates who are similar to themselves ter terms of religion, wedstrijd, political persuasion, educational level, relationship status, and whether they have children or not.
  • Both masculines and females were more likely to voeling potential dates who stated that they had a higher income and those who had bot rated spil physically attractive by independent judges.

Further, despite the fact that those using online dating reported that they do not necessarily pursue the most attractive vrouwen, Hitsch and colleagues (2010) noted that online daters pursue people who they find to be most desirable, rather than those who match them ter terms of attraction. Te other words, those using online dating attempt to find the best and most attractive date they can instead of looking for someone similar to themselves te terms of appeal.

Etiquette and Failure to Receive a Response

Te face-to-face communication, if wij ask someone a question and are overlooked, wij’d consider such behavior to be rude. However, te the online dating world, it is not uncommon for messages to go unanswered and overlooked, and such behavior is not normally considered to be offensive. One possible reason for this is the degree of online disinhibition (Suler, 2004) users practice te an environment te which they feel relatively anonymous. Even relatively impersonal responses such spil simply telling “no, thank you,” with no explanation are considered acceptable.

Some people using online dating sites may not look at their messages that often or may have found someone and left the dating webpagina altogether, even however their profile is still present. Each of thesis things may account for their failure to reply. Given this, and the frecuente etiquette of online interaction, if you don’t receive a response to a very first message, keep attempting with others.

  • Fiore, A. T., Taylor, L. S., Zhong, X., Mendelsohn, G. A., and Cheshire, C. (2010). Who’s right and who writes: People, profiles, contacts, and replies te online dating. Retrieved from http://www.pc.org/csdl/proceedings/hicss/2010/3869/00/index.html.
  • Hasselton, M. G. & Buss, D. M. (2000) Error management theory: A fresh perspective on biases te cross-sexmind reading. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78(1), 81-91.
  • Hitsch, G. J., Hortacsu, A., & Ariely, D. (2010). What makes you click? Mate preferences ter online dating. Quantitative Marketing and Economics, 8, 393–427.
  • Schondienst, V., and Dang-Xuan, L. (2011). The role of linguistic properties te online dating communication—A large-scale explore of voeling initiation messages. Proceedings of the 15th Pacific Asia Conference on Information Systems, Paper 166, Brisbane, Australia
  • Suler, J. (2004). The online disinhibition effect. Cyberpsychology and Behaviour, 7 (Three), 321-326.

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